Post Tenebras Lux

Devotions 23 June

2007-06-23T23:33:00.000+08:00

My devotions today comes from 2 Chronicles 20.

The protagonist in this chapter is the King of Israel Jehoshaphat, and his nation is faced by an overwhelming horde of invaders. (think Helm's Deep in LOTR)

The main point that we can take away from this chapter is, 'What to do when we dont know what to do'.

Right at the start, the FIRST thing Jehoshaphat does is to PRAY and he declares to God, v12 "...For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you."

So the first thing we can when faced with a problem of 'what to do', is to pray! commiting the problem to God and confessing of our human impotence humbly, relying on God instead of ourselves.

After Jehoshaphat did this, the Spirit of the Lord replied through Jahaziel saying v17 "You will not need to fight this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf..."

Being comforted by God, the next thing we must do is to trust in His promises and face the problem boldly and confidently. We can praise and worship Him though we do not know the final outcome, because we can be assured that the Lord is faithful!

Jehoshaphat displayed this by going out to meet the great horde, and in a very unusual and untactical fashion, he sent out priests in holy attire to sing to the Lord and praise Him, and these worshippers went before the army as the first line!

God was faithful to them and made the invaders fight among themselves, and by the time Jehoshaphat arrived at the battlefield, the invaders had killed themselves and "none had escaped". Instead of fighting, Jehoshaphat's army reaped the spoils of war "until they could carry no more". Such is the providence and deliverance of the Lord!

Therefore Brothers, we can rely on God throughout our problems. Lastly, once God has shown us His miracles, we must never forget to honour Him. Jehoshaphat did this by naming the place "The Valley of Beracah", which means 'The Valley of Blessing'.

May you be blessed with this devotions. :)

Devotions 9th June

2007-06-10T18:00:00.000+08:00

this devotions is on Psalm 46.

this psalm can be called a "Zion Song", though Zion is not specifically mentioned, it certainly is alluded to. Martin Luther was moved by this psalm to write the famous hymn, "A Mighty Fortress Is Our God".

the title of the hymn is most appropriate as it sums up the main theme of the psalm, as it depicts solace and refuge in God as eternally and absolutely secure and triumphant. Therefore even if 'the earth gives way' and 'mountains be moved', 'waters roar and foam', we can be confident and fearless!

these imagery invoke in my mind thoughts of earthquakes and volcanoes and tsunamis that we so often read abt in the papers. in our modern society, we have this belief that with improving technology, we can control more aspects of life here on earth.. but God often dispells our disillusionment with such terrifying disasters that we are powerless to fend off.

therefore isnt it so wonderful and comforting to know that in spite of these terrible elements, 'God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble'? God reigns over everything on earth, including all of Nature.

With this sovereignty He can boldy declare:

' "Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" '

Similarly, we can take comfort and draw confidence in this declaration, that our God is Lord and King over all, and i hope this gives you boldness and courage in the week ahead! :)

QT continued...

2007-06-10T00:16:00.000+08:00

today I was reading 1 Thessolonians and i thought it ties in nicely with the studies we've been doing, with regards to waiting on the Lord and meditation.

the key verse (which wld also be today's memory verse) that struck me is:
1 Thessolonians 5:16-18 Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

I prefer the ESV version which reads 'REJOICE always, pray without ceasing...'. So basically this verse tells us that to 'be joyful' and to 'rejoice' is 'God's will for [us] in Christ Jesus'.

but i ask myself, how can i rejoice always and give thanks in all circumstances? not withstanding the crisis that sometimes rock our lives, even our day to day routine can sometimes get so frustrating and depressing that we forget to give thanks to our Lord and Savior. and no one would blame us for have such feelings can they? because after all we are humans.

but what the Lord teaches us is that to be filled with the everlasting and enduring Joy that comes from Him, we have to break away from being focused on ourselves and instead look to God. Just like in psalm 77, the psalmist was downcast and desperate because he saw the troubles that overwhelmed and knew that he was powerless to do anything.

but the psalmist drew confidence as he turned his focus on the Lord, knowing that the Lord is good and can deliver him from anything. this reminded me of a saying 'Small Faith, Big God'. in short this means that we are always men of little faith who like to depend on our own strengths, but just a little faith and trust in God can go a long way.. because we have a BIG God who can do wonders!

so how can we be joyful always and give thanks in all circumstances? the first step is to 'know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him' (Rom 8:28) and everything is according to will.

So we simply have to submit to His will!

of course this does not spare us from the heartaches and frustrations of the situations we're in and so we must set our focus on Christ Jesus.

The verse tells us that to do so, we can 'pray without ceasing'. while this has been exaggerated, nonetheless the message is clear.. we set our focus on God from the spiritual disciplines that we instill for ourselves.

So Brothers, pray as often as you can, continue with these daily devotions as well as reading them, come for small group, etc.. so that we can experience the joy of the Lord today and everyday, for this is the will of God for us in Christ Jesus! :)

A Quiet Time with God

2007-06-10T00:09:00.000+08:00

wahhh... i've hardly blogged here in a long while, but oh wells i've decided to revive this blog with my QT reflections. our small group implemented this weekly routine of sharing our QT which other and so we get one day allocated to each of us.. so heres goes, some past reflections! :)

~*~

today my daily devotions will be on Psalm 51.

the background to this psalm is that it was written by David, after he had gone in to Bathsheba, sinning against God in the matter of Uriah, her husband.

this psalm is a powerful statement of the depths of sinand repentance, making it the most striking of the 'prayers of penitence'; one of the most moving prayers filled with lament.

on one level, an initial reading of the text fills me with the same recognition of David, tt im totally depraved and in need of God's saving grace.

David pleads God to 'blot out [his] tansgressions.. wash [him] thoroughly from [his] iniquity, and cleanse [him] from [his] sin', for he understands God's 'steadfast love' and 'abundant mercy'.

I am sure that there are times in our life, when we did silly and horrible stuff, that we felt the same way David did.

But as always, we can take heart that our God is slower to anger but quick to forgive, if we repent and approach Him in the right attitude.

David recognises this too, and despite the prevailing tradition of offering animal sacrifices den, it is significant tt David says God 'will not delight in sacrifice' or 'a burnt offering', but 'the sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart'.

Contrite means feeling sorry or repentent and thus clearly tells us how we shld approach God when we've done something wrong. :)

On a second level, this psalm is a rich and meaning cross reference to the account of David's sin with Bathseba. this psalm helps us understand that while David is like all of us, falling short of God's glory daily, is still an apple in God's eye because he is a man after God's heart.

It is not so much that David is hypocritical or have dual personalities, but rather him regretting his actions after letting sin get the better of him.

So brothers, may this hymn remind us of our fallen nature and humble us, as well as remind us that we shld always approach God with 'a broken and contrite spirit'.

sitting in my freezer are..

2007-04-28T02:03:00.000+08:00

these are the three lovely tubs of B&J's sitting in my freezer now, i feel so spoiled for choice! but den again.. i've been eating far too much.. think i'll just leave them for my parents to take in all the calories, lol!! :)

Funny!

2007-04-28T01:57:00.000+08:00

Something i got from newpaper...

REAL meanings of terms used in performance appraisals:

1. Good communication skills -- spends alot of time on the phone,

2. Average employee -- Not too bright,

3. Exceptionally well qualified -- Made no major blunders yet,

4. Work is first priority -- Too ugly to get a date,

5. Active socially -- Drinks alot,

6. Family is active socially -- Spouse drinks too,

7. Independent worker -- Nobody knows what she does,

8. Quick thinking -- Offers plausible excuses,

9. Careful thinker -- Won't make a decision,

10. Uses logic on difficult jobs -- Gets someone else to do it,

11. Meticulous attention to detail -- A nit-picker,

12. Has leadership qualities -- Is tall or has a loud voice,

13. Exceptionally good judgment -- Lucky,

14. Career-minded -- Backstabber,

15. Loyal -- Can't get a job anywhere else.

~*~

a really funny read in quite a while! :D anyway i havent been blogging in ages so for those few souls who bother to visit, thank you very much! lately i've been very busy in camp and social life so i've been hardly on the comp...

today was an interesting day, was feeling super sian abt the 8km route march,. it wasnt the distance, cos i've done 28km before already.. but just the sian-ness of going outfield and walking. but it turned out quite fun cos of the rain! we ended up marching through the thunderstorm and though we were drenched.. it was quite an enjoyable experience! ahh how things can surprise us sometimes.. :)

worlds apart

2007-04-06T21:39:00.000+08:00

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tear
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To want you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

To want you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

oaks!

2007-03-25T22:48:00.000+08:00

whee the time is coming for a change of oakleys! i can feel it! any day now.. :)

from down under

2007-03-25T22:41:00.000+08:00

a phone call really made my day, it was so unexpected that i paused for a long while after hearing 'hello kor, its me!'.. haha! oh man it was seriously such a lovely surprise cos just last night i was thinking abt her and how she was doing and why hasnt contacted me since!? and apparently she was thinking the exact same thing and she called me with such great news! *grin*

come back soon alrights? dont keep me waiting cos theres lots to share! :)

hmm..

2007-03-21T22:01:00.000+08:00

hmm... i really must stop doing 'this', sighh seems like a bad habit.. but the strange thing is tt everytime i do it, i learn valuable insights that i would never have known abt. so the question is, how do i resolve this?

anyway its been mid season for my inter-formation rugby tournament and im really pleased with how we're doing! we started off as a team with barely 15 players and with no support whatsoever but after our stunning win over navy, things have really changed! more publicity, and for today's match we had supporters for once! many big shots i dont recognise, but my whole battalion's command team was down to cheer us on, right from the CO to S1-S4.. very touching can? haha!

its all the ways to the finals, i know we can do it! :)

felines

2007-03-17T23:55:00.000+08:00

heres an interesting thought, has anyone actually seen a cat die of natural death?

i mean sure i've seen a bodies of cats ran over by cars.. but has anyone seen the body of a cat that has died of old age?

if someone clears away the bodies, they cant possibly do it so immediately every time that i dont see any in my whole life right?

or do cats like hide in an obscure place before they die?

please enlighten me on this.. haha! :)

Everybody's Gone To War

2007-03-17T23:46:00.000+08:00

this is a really nice and meaningful song from nerina pallot :)

~*~

I've got a friend, he's a pure-bred killing machine,
He says he's waited his whole damn life for this,
I knew him well when he was seventeen,
Now he's a man; he'll be dead by Christmas.

So...
Everybody's gone to war,
But we don't know what we're fighting for,
Don't tell me it's a worthy cause,
No cause could be so worthy.
If love is a drug, then I guess we're all sober,
If hope is a song then I guess it's all over,
How to have faith, when faith is a crime?
I don't want to die...
If God's on our side, then God is a joker,
Asleep on the job, his children fall over,
Out through the door and straight to the sky,
I don't want to die...!

For every man who wants to rule the world,
There'll be a man who just wants to be free,
What do we learn but what should not be learnt?
Too late to find a cure for this disease.

So...
Everybody's gone to war,
But we don't know what we're fighting for,
Don't tell me it's a worthy cause,
No cause could be so worthy.

If love is a drug, I guess we're all sober,
If hope is a song, I guess it's all over,
How to have faith, when faith is a crime?
I don't want to die...
If God's on our side, then God is a joker,
Asleep on the job, his children fall over,
Out through the door, and straight to the sky,
I don't want to die...
I-I-I-I don't want to die,
I-I don't want to die...

So...
Everybody's gone to war,
But we don't know what we're fighting for,
Don't tell me it's a worthy cause,
No cause could be so worthy.
If love is a drug, I guess we're all sober,
If hope is a song, I guess it's all over,
How to have faith, when faith is a crime?
I don't want to die...

If God's on our side, then God is a joker,
Asleep on the job, his children fall over,
Out through the door, and straight to the sky,
I don't want to die...
I-I-I-I don't want to die,
I-I don't want to die...

I've got a friend, he's a pure-bred killing machine,
I think he might be dead by Christmas...

For we have been born again!

2007-03-02T18:34:00.000+08:00

Agapetoi, we being parepidemoi, in peirasmoi & thlipseis agalliasthe always, anagegennemenoi!

thats mostly in the original greek text which translates to:

Dear friends/ beloved, we being strangers in the world, in trials & tribulations rejoice always, for we have been born again!

a fairy tale story

2007-03-02T17:39:00.000+08:00

there once lived a dreamer, who dreamt of big things beyond himself.

the common saying went that it was good to dream, and so it was..

but to dream unrealistically would only lead to happy never after.

his teddy bear tried telling him that, but perhaps thats how he will always be.

so the day came and the dreamer's dream never came true.

the dreamer was very disappointed and thats how the story ends..

for now.

life is like a rose

2007-02-22T01:37:00.000+08:00

i read a very meaningful letter recently and what struck me was this..

"We constantly need to remind ourselves that God has a macro view of events that happen and that will shape us for His glory, and that ours is only a micro one.

For the God who created the roses is the same God who in His wisdom also created their thorns; only He alone would know why they are put together on the same stem.

Our response is to thank Him in everything; yes even their thorns."

happy chinese new year!!

2007-02-18T20:33:00.000+08:00

the occasional blogger returns! and its the time of the year where parents lose lots of money and children help them get some back! lol!

anyway just gonna leave some random photos here, shall have to get myself to blog properly sometime this week... haha! :)

~*~

the lovely couple of daniel&jane! :)

lydd*

AC Open House - the QUEKs unite!!

steph & jamie*

2007-02-10T11:18:00.000+08:00

heres a random shout out!

~*~

God is Great!

and his Praise

fills the Earth

fills the Heavens

for Eternity!!

deception

2007-02-10T03:12:00.000+08:00

as i just ponder.. i really dislike myself. i dislike what i did, but den again maybe thats me? am i like that? i dont doubt what was said was true and i suppose that will always taint the beautiful memories.

this is my one regret, if i could turn back time.

if only i could, i'd have treated u differently.

flamboyance.

deception.

facade.

at least i can see ur happy again, that is my one comfort and envy.

if i shld get another chance with someone else, i'd treat her differently.

would i?

Tribute to a very dear friend

2007-02-02T00:52:00.000+08:00

felyna! haha this is totally random.. but heres to 5+ years of solid friendship! thanks for always always being there even though you're always so busy and thanks always listening to silly me! :)

i rmb how we first met and what a funny impression you had of me :D and den i repeated what i did to lynn on you! lol! anyway i hope ur coping well in uni and having a blast of a time!

you're one irreplaceable friend and heres to many years ahead! (+ pigging out sessions!)

~*~

chocolatey delight!

happy and contented afterwards! :)

fun-0-rama

the original 3

reunion! :)

at the club*

nice background!

dont we look alike?

esplanade view*

my dream car at fullerton.. sponsors?

you're my bridge over troubled waters :)

Golf

2007-02-02T00:38:00.000+08:00

ahh i miss playing golf! here are some snaps from yester-years! :)

AC Golf wallpaper

team 2005

one of the things i love abt golf is the closeness to nature, the wide greens and the deep blues

picture...

perfect!

Ivan's party!

2007-01-28T02:03:00.000+08:00

wow seems like im attending quite a few parties recently.. anyway heres some from ivan's birthday party earlier! the theme was pirates and we were well dressed up!! :)

~*~

all dressed and ready to go! :)

ta da!!

us again, pspc gang :)

a birthday is complete without the cake...

and a nice dunking! ;)

~*~

ran into some cool ppl at the club earlier! first of all my dad met two of his tennis 'idols'.. the commentators that always commentate all the tennis matches for asia! den on the way out i met joanna, never knew she was a member here too! :)

vijay, daddy, some rugby player and the other commentator*

joanna :)

Pieces

2007-01-28T00:17:00.000+08:00

my current favourite song! :)

Pieces

I tried to be perfect,
But nothing was worth it,
I don’t believe it makes me real.
I thought it’d be easy,
But no one believes me,
I meant all the things I said.

If you believe it’s in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know,
Just to see if you would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I’m better off on my own.

This place is so empty,
My thoughts are so tempting,
I don’t know how it got so bad.
Sometimes it’s so crazy,
that nothing can save me,
But it’s the only thing that I have.

If you believe it's in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know,
Just to see if they would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I'm better off on my own.

(On my own!)

I tried to be perfect,
It just wasn't worth it,
Nothing could ever be so wrong.
It’s hard to believe me,
It never gets easy,
I guess I knew that all along.

If you believe it’s in my soul,
I’d say all the words that I know,
Just to see if it would show,
That I'm trying to let you know,
That I’m better off on my own.

we have lift off!

2007-01-26T22:54:00.000+08:00

WOW! today was such an eventful day in so many ways!! the big highlight of the day was getting to ride in a Super Puma helicopter for the first and probably the last time in my life! it was such an exhilarting experience lifting off in a helicopter, the feeling is just so different from being in an aeroplane! and the view for the windows was pure stunning! guess i wont say too much as with all things in the army.. but all in all the experience was pure adrenaline! i wanna get heliborne again! ahhh... :) too bad there wasnt a camera arnd!

den afterwards upon getting back to camp.. we found a stray puppy alone by itself.. she was soooo adorable!! she was so meek and cute and made me reminiscence on all the pets i used to have! like my two persian cats and the lovely bird Faber... ahhh... carrying her in my arms brought back such nice memories :) but den later we had to bring it back to the place where we found her in hope her parents wld find her.. and it was such a painful experience for me. i know it may seem like such a trivial thing, but animals just have such a hold on me.. i watched her play by herself when i let her down, sniffing the road and chasing little insects. then when i thought she didnt take notice of me anymore.. i started walking away but she immediately looked up and ran after me. so i sat at the curb and stroked her and soon she was dozing off.. so i thought it was safe to leave. but as i turned back after a while, i saw her head drooping and watching me with those sad eyes... oh my heart cld have melted den. i can probably imagine how hurt she was feeling, to have found someone who loved her and now was leaving her all alone, but i kept walking on.. i had to, we cldnt keep it in our bunks or at company line. an hour later on the bus, it started raining very heavily and my thoughts wondered to the little puppy who touched my heart...

later on the mrt, i had a pleasant encounter with a fellow acsian. she boarded the same carriage as me and she looked vaguely familiar and i suppose she thought so too... as we both smiled at each other and just started talking abt how we were linked in ac. turned out shes my junior and we were linked in some uncanny ways! haha singapore is such a small island!! anyway i just love the way howm true acsians can just connect anywhere and everywhere.. its such a lovely phenomenon tt i treasure :)

Rachel's Surprise Birthday!

2007-01-21T20:37:00.000+08:00

whee all my photos are finally coming in! :) these are from the wonderful surprise birthday party we threw for my rach mei!

~*~

surprise!!! :D

rach mei! :)

the havoc table!!

joyce&jane

cousins :)

amanda, claire, shaun

to top it off, the fish&co finale! :)

AJ & CT's wedding! :)

2007-01-20T21:44:00.000+08:00

heres the photo from AJ&CT's wedding! their such a lovely couple! ahh weddings makes me feel a little sad... sigh! :(

AC Orientation 07

2007-01-20T02:24:00.000+08:00

oh anyway heres some snapshots from ACJC Orientation this year! :)

~*~

old boy and girls crashin! :)

my ogls lyd and shu hui

Balrog! a truly lovely OG for more than 1 reason ;)

~*~

looking at these photos makes me miss ac so much.. ahh well shall post some memories too!

co-ogls with our beautiful banner! :)

inter-og soccer!

all my cousins in ac!

sherman :)

front row ppl! :D

mario and saddam :)

math free period buddy!

SEF Forum team

Geog Faculty Exco

Geog Faculty triumvirate with Mr Lynn

ah red reunion!

the ultimate incorrigible rule breakers! ;)

ccaab graduates :)

john john! :D

~*~

ahh i m feeling so nostalgic!! i cant understand why some ppl dont miss AC.. oh wells their loss!

shopping spree!

2007-01-20T02:19:00.000+08:00

whee anyway this month is gonna be a big spending month!! am spending so so much on shopping! but then again im so very satisfied with my purchases.. for example i finally got a formal blazer from G2000! and guess what, the original price was $199 but i got it for $60! :D im also finally getting my camera! Olympus Stylus 810.. really cant wait!!!

i wonder if i shld spend more getting the nike cap i've always wanted. its so hard to find but i finally saw it at nike golf in vivo! plus they have it in both white and black! ahh dilemma! :( well i've truly run out of brain juice.. time to hit my lovely comfy bed and be chilled by my aircon.. most importantly, MOSQUITO FREE!!

i survived!

2007-01-20T01:53:00.000+08:00

whoa back from a very very long and tiring period since my last blog entry. the week that has just passed has been absolutely tiring! had a a 4 day 3 night outfield exercise but now that the exhaustion is fading off.. i think the experience was actually quite enriching! i was an umpire for a reservice unit and the section i was umpiring was utterly adorable!! they're like 35 year olds and they treated me like their little brother or son.. i feel so young again :) guess i wont discuss much army stuff here cos of all the stupid army guidelines... oh wells!

anyway am i weird or is there just something very therapuetic about having hair cuts? ahh i find that having a hair cut is very relaxing and rejuvenating! anybody out there feeling the same way?

~*~

went for jean's youth today.. was a really last minute thing but im glad i went. i really really enjoyed almost everything about her youth, its just so intimate and cosy and passionate and faithful. the message that the speaker gave was very refreshing in a way that surprised me.. i havent heard such a message in a long long while.

dont get me wrong, the sermons and messages i've had have been very good... but i somehow realised that they were actually very much academic in a sense. this dawned upon me because today's message struck a deep cord in me.. it was simple and not laiden with big concepts or incisive knowledge.. but it spoke so honestly and candidly. i could truly feel an in-filling of the Holy Spirit and the words really made me reflect my life at this point in time. it made me realise how i've been lacking in genuine trust and faith in the Lord for some time now, and i think this message came at a very appropriate time with regards to the issues im facing at the moment. well i shall have to ponder a little more on that.. sighh!

anyway on first impression, the people at glcc came across as very real and genuine.. and again it made me think about prinsep. im not trying to make an judgement on anybody, but i dont know.. somehow theres just smth i saw in glcc that prinsep is truly lacking. have u ever felt that some of the people u meet in church were just what i'd call 'sunday friends', instead of genuine brothers and sisters in Christ? for a youth whos church is the oldest in singapore, i dont think that our foundation is rock solid.

~*~

anyway please forgive my poor incoherent writing, cos my brain is really really deaded now. i think when i re-read what i've written.. im gonna laugh at myself or smth, lol!

happy new year!!

2007-01-01T17:30:00.000+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!

well i've finally figured out my new year resolution, initially i've been thinking abt it and well i've managed to cement my thoughts.

this year im going to be focusing on relationships - deepening old friendships, nurturing new ones, and repairing broken ties.

~*~

deepening old friendships

i hope that 2007 will be a year that i can deepen my friendships. as posted earlier, on my part.. i'd like to be a better friend, to be a source of blessing and joy to them and never to let them down. i hope i will never hurt another friend or stray from them. losing a good friend is really one the most feelings you can get.

but more importantly, i hope tt i can have a more intimate and deeper understanding of my friends, their thoughts their troubles their personalities etc. someone once told that having a girlfriend inevitably distances u from your friends, in small ways you wont notice.. or perhaps just prevent you from knowing your friends better. i guess thats really true so heres to my friends! :)

~*~

nurturing new friendships

another aspect of relationships is my wish to know more people in this new year, not just casual friends but more importantly, good dependable friends. i think that sometimes i can be quite introverted and un-sociable, especially with regards to people i dont know. maybe im mostly shy, but i hope i'll be more forthcoming and be able to step out of my comfort zone. i really feel this when im in Campus Hub, where i really cant seem to get myself to know any of the newcomers and students tt visit us. well hopefully i'll be more bold.

~*~

repairing broken friendships

i've put this as the third point, and i guess i've ranked these three points in their level of difficulty to carry out. i dont think its easy to mend a torn friendship, but i'll try.. as far as it depends on me and as much as i can do. i pray that i'll have the sincerity, patience, love, humility to do this.

~*~

i was just thinking about what qualities i value in a girlfriend/wife.. and i've come to the the conclusion that above all the usual stuff like 'we shld click well', 'have same interests and likes'... the following 3 are most important to me, ranked 1-3.

1. God-fearing - she shld be a child of God like me and fear the Lord as i do, being sinners yet repenting daily and hoping to improve ourselves bit by bit. with God as the center of our relationship, all things are possible.

2. Love me wholly - Simply she shld love me for the person i was, the person i am now, and the person i will be in future. this wld take great commitment and true acceptance.

3. Love my parents - My ideal girl wld love my parents as much as she loves me, if not more. i think my upbringing has taught me this, that the amount of sweat tears blood and money my parents have invested to bring me up, i can never repay even a small fraction of it. Therefore in their aging years, i want to be a filial son. But after the experience with my grandparents recently.. i realise it will be an insurmountable task to support my parents if i am to do it alone, being an only child. Of course God will provide, and i hope the wife He blesses me with will be like a real daughter for my parents, someone who wld love and support them the way i would.

if i should meet such a girl, oh what a girl.

~*~

at the end of a year, and the advent of another.. im glad that im already seeing a glimmer of hope of what i set out to achieve. it is my prayer that God will make my efforts fruitful and watch me all through the new year. i know that He is my strength and my pillar and my sanctuary, and i pray that i will lean on Him always for guidance and suport.

~*~

pearlly: for the 3 years and 1 month u've given me, i thank you with all my heart. i can sincerely say that you were the dominating joy and greatest blessing of my teenage years. thank you for the lovely memories that will stay with me for a long time to come, and thank you for making my first love shld a fulfilling one. my teenage years have passed and with them so have you, i bid you farewell at the end of 2006. as our love fades into memories, i welcome a new friendship that we're having now. im glad we can be such great friends even now and it is my wish that you will always be happy.

huson: i hope that you will be a better man for pearlly and love her with all your heart. i guess time will tell and i'll certainly be here, if you ever break her heart, then shame on you! but i trust that you will be a great boyfriend and may the two of u last a long time.

my confession - part 2

2006-12-30T01:26:00.000+08:00

i guess im in a very introspective and reflective mood now.

i've realised that im actually a very horrible person, for hurting a girl who truly loved me.

i guess i'd never have the proper chance to tell her how very sorry i am, hurting her was the last thing i wanted.. but i did nonetheless.

the more i think abt it, i guess she is right abt what she said abt me.

sighh i wish i cld talk to her and apologise, but i doubt she'd trust me anymore and i cant blame her for that.

i cant pluck the courage to talk to her either, partly because im still hurt abt what she did to me in return.. but more so i feel very guilty for betraying her love and her friendship.

sighh i guess i've lost a precious friend due to my own folly.

well at least i know what wrong here, the strained relationship with another friend in the year still leaves my baffled. wish i knew what went wrong there, but i guess.. maybe i'll never know.

Lord, please teach and discipline me to be a better friend, to love them in all honesty and sincerity, never to hurt them and always to bring them comfort, happiness and support.

Vivocity

2006-12-30T01:10:00.000+08:00

on a happier note, i explored vivocity properly for the first time today! at first i didnt really like the mall.. but after spending 6 hours there, i guess its kinda growing on me! had great fun shopping with sarah mei and yes i've concluded im happy tt im not a girl! lol.. we caught The Curse of The Golden Flower, which was an absolute delight to watch. A rather fresh period drama, it had all the right elements and focus, on the patriachy and family politics of the Tang Dynasty. The visuals were a feast and the whole imperial family cast was very well developed, all in all making for a good movie! :)

ahh and the nike golf store there has the nike cap i want in 3 colours!! the black one is just so nice!! :D:D too bad Christmas and my bday is over... sigh! :(

my confession - part 1

2006-12-29T23:07:00.000+08:00

im so very sad. how can u ask me how more can i help the family? oh please, of course theres always more that can be done. i understand tt, but i dont see why you're being so harsh. you said tt if i cant make money, at least help the family save money.

with God's grace and me using the talent He's given me.. i've studied hard and made through my school years on a scholarship, saving you close to $20,000. now you dont have to worry abt my university education cos i'll be on a scholarship as well, not only am i saving for the school fees of abt $28,000 at least.. i'll be mostly self sufficient for the my whole university life with the allowances.

i dont think i know many teenagers who can say tt at this point in time, they are self sufficient. even in army, im paying everything myself. i've shouldered all my expenses and have been paying my own phone bills since i got my phone in sec3. if u want to compare, i dont know of many ppl who pay their own phone bills even. not only m i supporting myself, im subsiding my grandma's livelihood every month.. it pains me to hear tt im not helping. my $700 allowance has been stretched to the limit yet im not complaining, just this month i came out $300 straight out for the new computer.

all this money matters is really killing me, i hate the way u're asking me to be more mature and handle my money better, because i dont see what more u want to demand from me. most friends i know are still taking allowances from their parents and dont give a damn abt anything else but their own expenses. im supporting myself and taking on additional monetary commitments to the family expenses just cos i feel its my own duty to do so. you never asked me to but i gave, dont take it as a given. if u want to calculate my contribution, i havent earned much to the family income but i've saved for you a good $60,000+

i feel very unappreciated and taken for granted.

~*~

well pearlly said she thinks im childish. i guess i cant really blame her, i never truly did let her in on my emotional burden and pains. i guess im the kind of person who believes in keeping such things from my loved one, not simply cos i dont trust them or anything.. but i dont want to burden them with my personal hurts and burdens. i really dunno if this is a good thing or not.. but yeah this is just me.

the end of 2006 has been a most horrible one for me. i've had the worst Christmas ever, i've been cheated again and the feeling was pure hurtful. but the more i think of it... i've realised that relationship problems are just so childish. theres just more important things to worry abt in life than some silly girl. worrying whether u'd have a roof over your head in one year's time, whether your family will be intact in tt same period... or whether u'd have a grandma to visit in 2008.

i think 2006 has been a year that has made me mature a lot. i've decided tt im actually a very introverted person. most ppl barely know the true me inside, my true feelings and hurts and thoughts and burdens. its not tt im a hypocrite or a very different person outside, but most ppl perceive my public self to be cheerful and childish and playful etc... but most dont know tt the happier and more playful i seem on the outside, the more troubled i'm feeling inside. i guess its my natural defence to mask what im truly feeling inside.

~*~

well as u can see this is an unusually long post by my standards... and i guess the thoughts and emotions are just flowing.. im really looking forward to Rachel mei's surprise party tml. i think my planning skills are getting better from being a sergeant in army.. the ability to plan for details and coordinate between groups of ppl, and utilising the skills and manpower of others to make the whole thing run smoothly. well army certainly has its little benefits here and there.. haha!

army has also gotten rather interesting recently due to the ongoing rat warfare. yes very literally we have waged a war against the terrible rats who terrorize our bunk, gnawing our shoes and sandals, peeing and shitting all over the bunk and sometimes our bedsheets, dirtying our boots, thrashing our cupboards which have food, destroying precious cup noodles and snacks, bitting one of my bunk mate's finger... ENOUGH!! we have fought back and turned the tide of the war. with our rat traps, we caught 2 rats in 2 nights.. and we await next week with a renewed arsenal.

rats beware.

Christmas 2006!

2006-12-25T16:06:00.000+08:00

This christmas has been an eventful one... i've experienced a weird mix of emotions, at one point of time.. i was thinking this Christmas is one the worst i've had, but now im not too sure..

but oh wells! its the time of the year where hope and joy prevails, so i shall play along with the mood for now. today was quite a fun day! met up with lots of friends in church over the past two days and went for many parties.. im seriously growing fat from all the ham n turkeys n roast beef n lamb.. but who cares!

ok not really in a blogging mood so i'll leave some Christmas photos.. Merry Christmas guys!! :)

lydia and claire!

my favourite couple ever, their just so lovely - janedaniel

the bunny babies

my silly reindeer sis!

sarah & candice

2006-12-20T17:40:00.000+08:00

haha i ran into dree at the most unlikely of places, a pool parlour near my church! ahh econ s days... :)

and the australia ppl from church are back! heres claire looking very ang mo-ish, certainly in a very good way!

Day At the Museum

2006-12-16T17:56:00.000+08:00

hey u guys shld really check out the brand new national museum!! it has lots of interesting and refreshing stuff! come on support Singapore! ;)

face to face with a very silly merlion

jane's a volunteer there!

joyce and john, lovely shot! :)

2006-12-16T17:42:00.000+08:00

A new year just beginning,
Each day a fresh new start.

To fulfill your hopes,
And pursue the dreams
Sustained in your heart,
Put God in charge.

He'll plant the seeds of
Affection, Love and Care.
Like a Garden your life will grow
With kindness flowering there.

And as you face the wonders of
Each day's mysteries,
You'll see God's Hands
Unfolding daily possibilities.

And as each day comes to a close,
Dream a dream or two.
Then with a Prayer,
Thank dear God.

For each day given to you
Is a Gift.

-Words from a Special Someone

2006-12-15T21:22:00.001+08:00

this christmas, i'll give the key to my heart :)

Thai Feast

2006-12-09T19:04:00.000+08:00

On a very happy and full note, met felyna up today and we had such a feast!!! it was a thai food galore at Patara, a posh thai restaurant. oh my our whole table was filled with food and there wasnt even space to put the water! lol we're seriously pigs lar i tell you.. but very happy and contented pigs :D

ahh i miss times like this :)

my sister and me looking very fat afterwards :)

AC Prom

2006-12-09T18:29:00.000+08:00

hey! im back from camp! well this is gonna be a common feature of my posts i guess, i'll be mostly a weekend blogger! anyway during the week, due to very fortunate circumstances, i was able to crash ac prom @ ritz. it was such a blast! never knew tt i know so many juniors and it was very nice seeing so many familiar faces :) thanks janice for helping to get me in! (the j1 councillors didnt allow crashers at first) i must say for a fact that, the batch of 2006 is far better dressed and glitzy than my year, and im glad i was there!

well heres some photos compliments of daniel, will post more when i get them..

me & daniel

golfers- mathan, joanna & me :)

pearlly, yiling n me

sighh i realised how much i missed out during my own prom being 'tied down', but den again it was my own choice and i enjoyed it in a different way. nonetheless, this second prom for me gave me the opportunity to roam around freely and truly mingle and socialise :)

~*~

Sometimes i just wake up hating you so much.

oh Lord, please teach me to forgive.

Teach me how to heal the hurtful wounds.

Why did it have to turn out this way?

2006-12-03T02:49:00.000+08:00

oh what a match unfolding! m currently watching man u play.. simply delightful to watch man u play the lovely way they do! :) ahh 2-1 now, go man u! oh my i hope i wont be too tired tml morning, hmm...

How Did It Come to This?

2006-12-03T02:40:00.000+08:00

it saddens me, that we cant even talk anymore. well i've decided to step aside fully, and spectate your life unfolding.

~*~

A Love Story

One day, an ugly duckling was travelling alone. She was feeling out of place and lonely amidst the beautiful swans and graceful cranes. A little toy boat came, saw, and only had eyes for the duckling. He saw past her wet, grey feathers, crooked bill and ordinary eyes. He loved her, and she loved him for all he was, so they travelled together.

For years, they were best friends. He was her shelter and protector, and she was his comfort and companion. Day by day she grew, and blossomed into a beautiful swan under his tender love. His love deepened, not because of her beauty, but because of all they shared. They weathered the roughest storms and cruised through the calmest summers.

Then one day, the swan and the toy boat decided to part ways. She kissed the tip of the tearful toy boat, wept, and flew away. She never forgot him because he had loved the ugly duckling, and always held the petals he once presented her.

a story written by CallaLily

Post Tenebras Lux

2006-12-02T01:33:00.000+08:00

heres the scoop on what the name of my blog means

Post Tenebras Lux - After Darkness, Light

im trying to find my light at the end of the tunnel, oh Light where art thou?

~*~

hmm i've been a lot of bible studying and quiet time lately, which is definitely a good thing. haha i dont know if its a good motivation to do so.. but getting my study bible present really kicked start my quiet time. thank you yew kee, eugene, greg for the thoughtful gift, i'll be a good steward of this bible!

i wrote on the first page "a man after God's heart". this is my personal motto and im gonna strive towards that :) hmm i rmb once a very good friend of my friend told me.. he said that being in a relationship, though nothing wrong in itself.. sort of robs some of my attention from God. i think he had a point, since my break up... my focus and priorities have been very different. well its never too late i guess, i want to lead a purpose driven life!

well what i like abt my new bible, though its not as easy to read as my old NIV one since this is an ESV, is the wonderful footnotes and the lengthy notes they provide within the pages. notably, i've actually been enlightened on several key issues like predestination, atonement, blasphemy and the divinity of Christ. one challenge i think for me is to "joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" -Romans 12:12

well like i said, i aspire to be a man after God's heart.. and my key verse of encouragement is

"Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Jesus Christ"

my prayers go out to rachel, whos suffering a bad migraine, and michelle whos really tied down by her work. never lose heart! and journey mercies for your HK trip! :)

once last thing, HAPPY BIRTHDAY YILING!!

A Black Tie Party

2006-12-01T02:02:00.000+08:00

hey i just got back from sarah's party! ok maybe not just.. being several hours ago, but u get the point.. lol! her party was pretty fun, im jealous tt u got so many presents!! but oh wells just goes to show how much more likeable and popular u are! :) ahh i wld have totally stoned and died at the party if not for my dear mei.. once again u've come to my rescue!! mei ar.. you are not fat lars! haiyo if you are, den i must be a sumo wrestler!

well before the party, i had a great time hanging out at rach's place.. i love her house to bits. its probably the nicest house i'll ever visit in singapore.. and yes today i got to use the tennis court and pool table! my mei and her silly bro totally bullied me at tennis, sigh two on one? not fair at all! and her pool table.. its simply a pool player's ultimate dream! the table is a gorgeous brunswick tournament standard table!! ahh i think im in love.. :)

ok enough silly-ness from me, heres pics of the lovely bday girl's party.. enjoy!

rach mei & the gorgeous bday girl!

the lovely prinsep people! :)

check out her cute bow tie! ;)

~*~

and heres smth from long ago, the group celebrating ben's birthday at ritz.. :)

Sarah's surprise!

2006-11-29T23:34:00.000+08:00

sarah's birthday surprise!! :)

my beloved mei*

jane with her new haircut!

Wedding Crashers

2006-11-29T23:25:00.000+08:00

The Bridegroom and his men

lyd and my cousin germ :)

2006-11-29T22:40:00.000+08:00

I really love this song at the moment, its poetic and really speaks the words of my heart. notably its a sad song, but perhaps thats just how i've been feeling..

~*~

The Sound of Silence

Hello, darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision
That was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
Beneath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed
By the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share...
And no one dare
Disturb the sound of silence.

"Fools," said I, "you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows."
"Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed in the wells of silence.

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming.
And the signs said: "The words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls,
And whisper'd in the sound of silence."

~*~

break hiatus

2006-11-29T22:25:00.000+08:00

heyy.. this is my first time blogging again in ages. back to the world of talking to myself, but perhaps its apt.. perhaps it'll give me an avenue to pen down my feelings and get over pearlly. perhaps this would mark a new chapter for me..

well my prevailing mood has been melancholic, been hanging out with friends alot. this block leave from army has been really fruitful. my friends out there, you may not know it.. but you've all made this week very special and meaningful for me. thank you bev for sharing with me abt *lalala*, my dear army sergeants.. this is gay but i love you guys! rachel u came back at a very appropriate time, thanks for your love and warmth.. m looking forward for tml! :) had a great time at your place with the rest.. well was just raising a silly suggestion with rach, haha i must say since den.. the idea has been growing on me.. how how? nahh it'll never happen.

well im using my new comp now, which is seriously a comp tt kicks all other cyber butt at the moment! muahaha.. just too bad i havent transferred all my music and photos from the old hard disk so this comp is quite barren of my stuff now.

lynn's coming back soon! cant wait for that.. ahh yes december is gonna be a meaningful and fun one :)